I started keeping a journal since 13th May, 1998. It came to me that I should record down my thoughts, while having my quiet time that night. And the first sentence of my first entry read: God is so good, so great, so loving…we can only stand in awe.
I remember I was inspired by the bible study on Jeremiah, both Kah Jin and Mr. Selvin shared with me about the prophet Jeremiah, about me being a clay being shaped by the potter. And I named my Journal Jeremiah. That time, my journal contains lots of thoughts from devotion, besides my scribblings of frustration in school, and some puppy love stories. There’s at least 4 girls I mentioned in the journal.
Now, in campus, I’m still keeping Journal Jeremiah, now in its fifth volume, now its mostly about college life, and my disappointments. There’s huge difference from my blue- color first volume to the one now, composed of sheets of paper that are not actually bound together, but merely folded together. ( easier to hide in the cupboard ) – the thoughts now are more complex, darker, perhaps.
The thoughts in JJ are really, really personal, things that I would never share in my blog. But yet, there is something more than just writing just for my own reading. Oh yes, I always have a good time reading my past entries, but really, despite being so secretive about my journal, deep inside, I hope one day I can find someone whom I can share my journal with. That’s how I define an intimate relationship. I remember telling Kah Jin and ennie, that the kind of girl I am looking for, is the one who would appreciate my journal, and understand the intricacies woven between the lines.
But then again, this is merely a wishful thinking, to ask for someone who understand one fully is too much,… having a girlfriend doesn’t matter much anymore, glad to have lived past that age of adolescence.
I learnt enough that only God can know you fully, and yet still love you. If anyone knows everything about me, perhaps there’d be resentment besides admiration, but God remains faithful and clings to me, despite my weakness and sinfulness.

Thought we are wiser
Than days gone by,
What we’re unaware is that
It’s just the shift in mind
Those changes in thoughts
Morphed by uncertainty, confused by lies
Something’s better from the start
Unpolluted by change, unhurt by falseness
Things got muddy in the end,
Brought out of meaning, forcing one to cry
Nov 18th 2000